


Hinata's Secrets

by kireiflora



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Trans Hinata, kagehina exchange2015
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-16
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 05:02:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3368798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kireiflora/pseuds/kireiflora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata has a secret, two actually, that he needs to get off his chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hinata's Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> For number 21. I'm sorry this isn't exactly what I was supposed to do ^^ I wrote the first bit and I liked it too much to not continue and then it just went down from that. I do want to do a chapter two that's more like what I was supposed to do though. But this is 4K long and it's late as is, I couldn't drag it out more. I was so excited when I saw that my prompt was Trans!Hina but I'd lost all my ideas when I got to writing it. I'll think up cuter bits to make a new chapter with soon though!

He knew his mind was blowing it out of proportion. Of course he was. He always did. Not that that hadn’t been warnted in the past.

But these were his teammates. It was nothing to be worried about he told himself.

He put it off again.

\-----

They were getting closer to training week, he needed to say something he knew. Before it was too late and they stumbled upon it.

Maybe next week.

\-----

It was ‘next week’ when he realized he had another secret.

He was deeply in love with Kageyama Tobio.

It hit him with all the subtlety of a volleyball. Literally. He had been unconsciously staring at the setters abs as he jumped that he didn’t even think about the ball. Next thing he knew he was looking up into his teammates worried faces.

“Uh…” he saw Kageyama behind the group. “...did one of you give me CPR or something? None of you have said anything.”

“No of course not, are you okay?” Sugawara asked worriedly, slowly pulling him to sit up.

“I...think?” he frowned, “My back hurts more than anything else.” he answered truthfully.

“You should go to the nurse then.” Sugawara replied. “Kageyama, take him.”

“Wha-no! I can walk on my own!” he objected, pushing himself to his feet. “See, fine!”

“Hinata…” Sugawara said slowly.

“O-or I could take Kageyama with me!” he added, stumbling slightly over to him. “Nurses office, lets go!” he started dragging Kageyama to the door.

\-----

Ever since that day something had changed. He wasn’t sure if it was him or Kageyama, but it was different. He had a feeling it was him, since he was now taking note of just how often he stared at him.

To be honest he was amazed that no one else had figured it out, or maybe they had and were keeping their silence. Or had he just always stared at him this much?

He completely forgot about telling them his other secret in the wake of this startling revelation (for him anyway).

Next week for sure, it was the last week before training camp.

\-----

Well...he kinda did it. It was awkward and he was staring at the floor as he asked to talk to Sugawara alone.

Daichi next to him frowned slightly, “Is something wrong?”

“N-no nothing like that...I just need to tell him something...alone!” he added quickly, eyes darting around the gym.

“Are you going to-” Daichi gasped at an elbow to the stomach. “G-go on.” he muttered, crossing his arms over his stomach that hurt Sugawara!

Hinata was a bit confused as he followed Sugawara out of the gym, where he suddenly found the wall interesting out of the corner of his eye.

Sugawara thought of himself as very patient, not wanting to rush people that were nervous. However after ten minutes of Hinata looking everywhere but him, not saying a word he was getting worried. “Hinata…”

“A-ah I’m sorry!” he blushed. “I just...I’ve been worrying about this for weeks…” he swallowed slightly and managed to look at Sugawara finally. “I...you can’t tell anyone else okay?”

“You’re not dying are you?” he asked, eyes widening.

“No! No nothing like that!” he said quickly. He glanced at the windows of the gym, suddenly paranoid,  before stepping closer to Sugawara. “W-well the thing is...I figured the team should know but I can’t tell the whole team, but training week is coming up and…” he was stalling he knew it. He shook his head slightly, he wasn’t going to back out this time. “Well I’m…” his voice dropped. “T-transgender.” he was suddenly finding the wall interesting again.

Sugawara gasped softly, that definitely wasn’t what he was expecting. “Ah, its because of the baths isn’t it?” he realized suddenly.

Hinata nodded before looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. He didn’t look mad, or disgusted, or anything like that. Surprised at worst. He suddenly felt very light, like a weight had been lifted. “Y-you’re not…”

“Mad?” Sugawara finished questioningly, “Of course not Hinata!” he smiled at him, “Why would I get mad?” he ruffled his hair slightly. “I’m honored actually, that of everyone you choose to tell me.” he hummed slightly, “We were going to separate by years, but we could split first years as well…since there’s more of you.”

“Eh?” he was confused.

“Kageyama knows doesn’t he?” Sugawara added, frowning at him.

“Wha-no! You’re the first on the team!” Sugawara was confusing him a lot now, why would he tell Kageyama?

“You shouldn’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend-”

“Boyfriend?!” he nearly yelled before remembering they were still next to the gym and managing to tone it down. “W-we’re not dating!” he shook his head rapidly.

“Oh?” he frowned, “I’m sorry then Hinata, you two just act so close I thought…”

“W-well…” it couldn’t hurt to tell him his other secret could it? “Actually...I kinda realized...last week...that I might like him…” he was blushing now, voice dropping with every word.

“When the volleyball hit you?” Sugawara asked. He thought something had changed slightly then.

“Y-yeah.”

“Well...good luck with that, if you ever tell him.” he ruffled his hair again.

“Which would be better to tell him first...you think?” he asked, staring at the ground.

“...the second I think. Since you’re clearly more worried about the first, it’d give you a confidence boost if it went well.” he smiled at him, “C’mon now we’ve been gone awhile, they’re going to come looking for us soon. And don’t worry, I’ll figure something out without telling anyone else.” he slung an arm around his shoulders. “Would you mind if I made up some weird scar?”

Hinata opened his mouth to reply when Kageyama suddenly ran out of the gym, calling his name. He blushed and hid behind Sugawara.

Sugawara laughed softly, “Daichi thought you were going to confess to me you know? Wonder if Kageyama is thinking the same and getting all jealous.” he couldn’t resist trying to play matchmaker. “We could try and make him more jealous.”

Hinata was sure his neck was red now. “S-Sugawara-san!” he burried his face in his back. “Don’t say things like that!”

Sugawara laughed again, turning around and hugging him. “Everything will turn out fine, you’ll see.” and he definitely didn’t pull Hinata around enough that Kageyama could clearly see them hugging, definitely not. “So, inside.” he added, tugging him along, smirking at Kageyama as they passed him.

Kageyama scowled back, unsure why.

Sugawara held back a laugh, no Kageyama hadn’t figured out his feelings yet. He would subtly work on that. If Kageyama confessed to Hinata, that would be a weight off his shoulders. He paused suddenly, a few feet inside the gym. “Hinata…” he leaned down. “You’re...binding properly right?” the tone of his voice was not forgiving if he wasn’t.

“I-...most of the time.” he looked away. “My mom only recently got me one so I’m still not used to it.”

“Hinata Shouyou if you’re using ace-”

“No! No just lots of tight layering.”

Sugawara frowned slightly. “Could be worse. If you need a second one just ask me okay?”

“Sugawara-san are you…” he made a weird gesture, unsure what it was supposed to be.

“Oh no, not me, but my close cousin is.” he smiled, “Sorry.” he hadn’t missed the hopeful look in his eyes. “I’ll introduce you sometime if you’d like.”

“I’d like that.” he smiled.

“I’ll make a date then.” he said, slightly louder as Kageyama walked by.

Hinata blinked at Kageyama, was it just him or was Kageyama in a mood today? He looked up as Sugawara ruffled his hair a final time.

“Time for practice. Don’t get hit by a ball and discover a new secret.” he teased.

“Suugaaaaa!” he pouted.

\-----

Then came training week. He didn’t know what Sugawara had told but he got to bathe by himself. He had taken to chatting with Sugawara about his cousin fairly often as well. There was just something relaxing about Sugawara. He didn’t even notice Kageyama’s jealous glares towards the third year.

“Why are you always talking to Sugawara?”

“Eh?” Hinata blinked in surprise, the question had come from nowhere in the middle of a break outside.

“You spend all your spare time talking to him." he said shortly.

Hinata blinked slowly, was he...jealous? “Asking him questions mostly.” he replied honestly.

“About how much he loves you?” he spat.

“Wha-”

“You confessed last week didn’t you?”

He silently cursed Daichi in his mind, “No I didn’t!”

“Huh?” his head snapped up from where he’d been glaring at the ground.

“I asked him for advice.” _In the end at least._ “And told him about a...medical thing.” _Not an entire lie._

“Oh…” he looked away again. Didn’t he feel bad now.

“I’m sorry!” they both said at the same time. Hinata took Kageyama’s confusion to continue speaking. “Its not that I don’t like you anymore, its just…” his knee started bouncing as he tried to think of what to say.

Kageyama took his silence to speak. “I’m sorry for assuming you were dating.” he blinked, “A...medical thing?” he asked, slightly worriedly.

“Ah! Its nothing bad!” he waved his hands in front of his face. “Its just a thing since I wasn’t going to be at home!”

They fell into silence, both unsure of how to proceed.

“Hey Kageyama…”

“What?”

“Were...you jealous?” he asked, drawing circles in the dirt with his finger.

“Jealous?” he tried to pretend he had no idea what he was talking about.

“When you thought I was dating Sugawara-san. Cause you know I wouldn’t mind...if you had been…” he was blushing now he knew it.

“O-of course not dumbas-”

“Because…” he continued as if he hadn’t spoken, he wasn’t going to let it drop. “I like you.” he became conscious of the fact he’d written Tobio in a heart on the dirt, blushing and rubbing it away.

There was silence for several minutes, Hinata too scared to look up. “Say something already!” he snapped.

“Hinata…” he heard him take a breath. “Will you go out with me?”

His head shot up and he looked at him. “R-really? You like me?”

“Yeah dumbass.” he muttered, blushing and looking to the side.

“Of course!” he flung himself at him, hugging him.

\-----

Kageyama refused to come out to the team. Considering he still couldn’t bring himself to about his original secret he didn’t argue the point much.

“What about just Sugawara-san?”

“Eh? Why?”

“W-well he already knew I liked you so…”

“I guess.” he muttered.

Hinata grinned and pecked him on the cheek, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the gym, regretfully letting go as he entered the doors. “Sugawara-san~!”

Heads turned to Hinata in confusion.

“C'mere!” he added helpfully.

Sugawara chuckled slightly and followed him back out of the gym. “What is it Hinata?”

Hinata grinned widely, tugging Kageyama forward. “Meet my boyfriend!”

“I didn’t-right now?” he stammered.

Hinata nodded and Kageyama couldn’t pretend to be mad when he looked at him with such happiness…

“Ah! Congratulations Hinata!” Sugawara smiled, ruffling his hair. “I told you it’d go fine!”

“He doesn’t want to tell the rest of the team though, and I didn’t want to push him so…”

“Don’t worry your secret is safe with me.” he tilted his head slightly wondering if he’d told him the other yet.

Hinata realized what he was wondering and shook his head slightly, looking down.

Kageyama frowned, he was clearly missing something…

\-----

“Is it...about the medical thing?” he asked Sugawara later alone, remembering Hinata had refused to tell him what exactly was going on.

“Its nothing to worry about Kageyama.” Sugawara replied, “Its not...bad.”

“That’s what he said.” he muttered.

“Hey, he’ll tell you one day, I’m sure. Just be patient.” he smiled at him.

“Is there anyway I can help with it?” he asked, “I mean if he doesn’t want to tell its not nothing…”

“When he does till you I’m sure you’ll be able to help a lot Kageyama.” _Or else._ he added mentally. “It’s not going to kill him or anything like that, I promise, he’s not going to suddenly pass out and be in the hospital or anything, you don’t have to watch him like a hawk for anything wrong.” plus Kageyama might figure it out.

“But he will tell me?” he couldn’t help but to ask. He wanted to know what was so big he’d had to tell Sugawara about it, yet wouldn’t tell his boyfriend. Admittedly they hadn’t been dating that long yet but still...

“I can’t promise that, you know that Kageyama. I do believe he will, just as I believed you’d end up together.” he smiled hoping to make him feel better about it.

“Why’d he tell you?” he couldn’t help but to ask, the burning question he’d had.

Sugawara had thought that question would pop up. “He found out a cousin of mine has the same thing.” it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh.” he felt rather foolish now, besides he’d told him before they’d started dating.

“Just don’t think about it too much okay? You’ll start worrying him if you’re distracted by it.”

\-----

Hinata had a very good boyfriend. It was expected that his hands would roam while they were kissing, but after the first firm removal of his hands when he tried to get under his shirt, he’d taken it to heart. Even if he was a bit confused by it.

He didn’t question it either. Just accepted that for whatever reason Hinata didn’t want to be touched. Hinata didn’t touch him either, feeling it wasn’t fair. Kageyama almost always caught himself, he’d still for a moment and pull his hands away. Hinata, once they were done kissing, would smile so widely at him after that, out of breath and blushing. Sometimes that alone would make him want to tell him so badly, but then all his worries would come back. He didn’t want to ruin this.

\-----

“Where are my keys?” Daichi frowned, patting all his pockets and looking through his bag.

Heads around the room looked over to him.

“Need help finding them?” Sugawara asked.

Daichi, fully dumping out his bag, shook his head, “Just give me a minute I’m sure they’re in here.”

Sugawara nonetheless started looking around the room for them, after a moment Hinata jumped up to help look as well. The rest of the team left, until Kageyama came back. “Hinata, you coming?”

“I want to help find his keys.” he shook his head, watching as Daichi dumped his bag out a second time, having put stuff back in as he went. “Daichi-san its probably not in there.”

He sighed, looking at the mess. “Probably not.” he admitted. “Suga can I check your bag?” he asked.

“Yeah.” he replied, not looking away from checking on top of lockers.

Kageyama waited by the door, it wasn’t a huge room he wasn’t sure where to look. Instead he watched as his boyfriend wandered around picking up and looking under and behind things. Boyfriend. He could feel himself smiling. It had snuck up on him, liking the hyper spiker, one day he just realized how jealous he was when he started hanging out with other people more than him. He supposed he should thank Sugawara for making him realize it, he was still rather sure he’d done it on purpose.

“Hey Suga, what’s this?” Daichi asked, rather confused.

Three sets of eyes turned to Daichi, and then to what he was holding. It was a bulky black...tank top of some kind? Daichi looked as confused as Kageyama felt. Sugawara looked surprised but only a tad confused. Hinata...Hinata looked a bit scared? He only saw it for a second before he looked just as confused as Daichi.

“A-ah…” Sugawara rubbed the back of his head, “Its a binder. My cousin borrowed my bag a week ago I guess he left it in there…”

“Binder?” Kageyama asked in confusion.

“Oh!” it seemed to click for Daichi. “I thought it was yours.”

“Put it on top when you pack my bag again, I’ll take it out when I get home and get it back to him.” Sugawara went back to looking for the keys, apologizing mentally to Hinata and hoping Kageyama thought nothing of it.

“I don’t get it what’s a binder?” Kageyama asked, still confused.

There was a moment of silence where Sugawara debated telling him, Daichi decided not to tell him, and Hinata sweated in the corner.

“Nothing important.” Sugawara said, “Just something some people need.”

“Found them!” Daichi grinned, holding up his keys, “I thought they’d fallen into your bag. Sorry about that guys.” he was quickly repacking the bag, binder on top and zipping it up. “Let’s lock up.”

Hinata grabbed his bag and tried to walk at a normal pace to his bike next to Kageyama.

“Hinata do you know what a binder is?” he asked.

Hinata had feared that would come. He could lie and say no, or say yes and have to tell him what it was.

He was tired of lying.

“Yeah…”

“Oh? What is it?” he only sounded curious.

“Its…” he paused, unsure where to start with it. “Do you know what transgender is?”

“No…” now he sounded confused.

“Its when a girl is born a boy or a boy is born a girl.” simple was probably best, he glanced at Kageyama who looked so very confused at that.

“But a boy is a boy…” he sounded slightly unsure and he latched onto that.

“He is a boy.” he stated. “But he was born a girl and he didn’t like that.” he kept the anger out of his voice quite well he thought. “Binders make the boys boobs flat so he doesn’t feel quite as much like he’s in the wrong body.” he glanced at him to see how he was taking that.

“I...see…” he didn’t sound much less confused but he didn’t sound disgusted or anything like that.

“No you don’t.” he replied, “But that’s okay.” somewhere along the talk they’d stopped walking, he started walking again and heard Kageyama start as well. “You don’t have to understand.” _Yet_. “You just have to be open.”

Kageyama looked at him, “Its important to you.” he stated.

“I suppose.” he nodded.

Kageyama took it to heart, like not touching him. He found himself thinking about it in the middle of class.

\-----

“I’m so sorry Hinata!” Sugawara was saying, “My cousin forgot to tell me about it, he got it for you. I hope I didn’t mess anything up…”

“No its fine! I mean I didn’t tell him but I told him.” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “It went okay.”

“Oh that’s good.” he smiled, relieved.

“Wait, for me?"

“Yeah, I mentioned you, not using names or anything.”

“Ah…” he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “Its okay...I guess.”

“Let me know when you want it. Sometime Kageyama isn’t around I suppose.”

He nodded, though an idea occurred to him.

\-----

“Hey Kageyama.” he started during lunch, sitting between the others legs. “Would you go ask Sugawara-san to give you something he’s been holding onto for me?” this was going to be it. He was going to come out to his boyfriend.

“Why can’t you go get it?” he huffed, leaning back.

“Because~ I want my boyfriend to~” he hummed, looking up at him. He always gave in when he called him his boyfriend. He felt his worries starting to come back, what if that was the last time he got to call him that?

“F-fine dumbass.” he muttered, blushing.

“I have the best boyfriend~” he cheered, kissing the underside of his chin from his position.

“O-oi!” he protested.

“What’s wrong? I can’t kiss my boyfriend?” he pouted slightly. He didn’t want to stop calling him that. He could change his mind…

Kageyama was already getting up to go find Sugawara. “I’ll be back.” he stated, pausing and turning around and bending over to peck him on the lips.

Hinata blushed slightly as he watched him go. _I hope you still like me…_

\-----

“Sugawara!” Kageyama called to the third year.

“Oh? What is it Kageyama?” he turned away from his conversation.

“Hinata…” he frowned slightly, still rather confused, “Told me to come get something you’d been holding onto for him.”

“Something I’m holding onto…” he trailed off slightly confused before his eyes widened. “I see.” he apologized and turned to take Kageyama to the club room. “I left it in here.” he explained, going over to his bag. “Did he tell you what it was?” he asked curiously.

“No, just ‘something’ then he got really affectionate.” he frowned slightly. “I mean he was cute-” he cut himself off blushing.

“He’s scared.” he said softly to himself.

“What was that?” he asked, not quite hearing him.

“Ah nothing.” he took a deep breath. _Good luck Hinata._ he thought before he pulled the black binder out slowly before turning and handing it to him. “Here you go!” he said cheerfully.

Kageyama stared at it. “What?”

He wasn’t good at reading his expressions. “Its what I’ve been holding onto for him. He asked you to come get it.” he said, stepping closer and pushing it into his chest. “Go give it to him.” He wanted to glare and scold him into behaving properly but that wasn’t what Hinata wanted.

“...is this a joke?”

“Go ask Hinata.” he let go of the binder, watching as Kageyama grabbed it instinctively.

\-----

Hinata was sitting where he had been left, knees drawn to his chest resting his head on them as he tightened his arms around them. _What if he hates me? What if he tells everyone? What if I get kicked off the team?_ he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about the worst case scenarios. _How will I get over him?_

“Oi dumbass.”

He pulled his knees tighter to his chest, not looking up. _That doesn’t sound good._

“Hey.” he said softer, kneeling in front of him. “Look at me.”

“Don’t want to.”

“Hin-Shouyou look at me.”

First name? he took the chance and looked up at him. He doesn’t look mad…

“Is this a joke?” he held up the binder slightly.

He shook his head very slightly and looked away again. He was so scared, he realized he was crying.

Kageyama was silent.

“I’m sorry!” he blurted.

“What for?” his voice was flat, emotionless.

“For ruining things between us. For not telling you to begin with s-so,” he hiccuped slightly. “s-so you could’ve just said no when I asked you out.”

There was silence. He wondered if Kageyama was even still there, that thought made it hurt more. He started sobbing.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he was pulled into a hug. “K-K-Kage-y-yamma?”

“Dumbass, I still love you.” he murmured into his ear, pulling him closer.

That truly opened the floodgates as he uncurled and buried his face in his chest, hugging him tightly as he sobbed.

“Its okay.” he shifted slightly, rubbing his back. “There was nothing to be worried about.”

“Don’t go silent like that then!” he snapped.

“I’m sorry.” his arms tightened around him. “I got lost in my thoughts.”

“I-idiot! I-I was so w-worried and y-you get lost in y-your stupid thoughts?” the anger was dispelling his worried and relieved tears.

“I know.”

“Well at least tell me the thoughts!” he ordered, scowling up at him.

Kageyama chuckled slightly. “Why is he not looking at me? What’s he so worried about? I can’t believe this dumbass made Sugawara give me a binder to come out. What’s he sorry about anyway? Oh shit he’s crying! More or less.”

Hinata scowled and punched him in the arm. “You jerk!”

“But you’re not upset anymore.” he grinned slightly.

“No now I”m mad at you.” he huffed, turning away.

Kageyama hummed slightly, kissing the top of his head. “I’d rather my boyfriend mad than sad.” he replied.

 

 


End file.
